Funeral minus ex

Here’s a situation familiar to all funeral directors and celebrants and to an increasing number of bereaved people. A reader writes to Virginia Ironside at the Independent:

Dear Virginia,

I had been married to my husband for 30 years when he suddenly seemed to have a brainstorm – he left me for an Italian woman, moved to Italy and married her. Now, just six months after they married, he has died of a heart attack.

The problem is that this other woman is organising the funeral and has made it clear she doesn't want me there. She's not allowing our children any say in the service, either. I'm so very upset. What can I do?

Here’s her response, plus the responses of others.