There's no place like it
There’s an excellent series of photos on the Undertaken With Love Flickr site telling the story of a home funeral. Click slideshow at the top right for the best view.
It’s thought provoking in any number of ways. See how engaged the children are. And you can see from everyone’s faces how emotionally healthy the whole business is.
Now, I know I bang on a lot about home funerals. But I do recognise that, though this is how people cared for their dead in centuries past, the (real) traditional funeral is unlikely to make a comeback, not in any widespread way.
At the same time, I wonder about the emotional impact of outsourcing the care of our dead and the creation of their farewell ceremonies to various un-joined-up specialists—undertakers, celebrants, etc.
Put it another way. What would be the impact on the bereavement counselling industry if people were to participate more than they do now in caring for their dead, going the distance with them? Would counsellors find their caseloads slashed?
I rang Cruse to ask them. Had they ever thought about it? Had they ever considered campaigning for more participative funerals in order to enable people to grieve better at the best time for grieving? No, they hadn’t.
I think there’s something in it.
Labels: home funerals
posted by Charles Cowling at
17:12
3 Comments:
I loved the scrabble board - even making the slideshow would have been therapeutic. I noticed they made and transported the coffin in the summer, and the funeral was in the winter - so they gave it all a good airing beforehand. And , yes, look at their summer faces - their winter ones too.
No question there's something in it.
Great work, and generous sharing of pictures by the family.
I think the apparent seasonal shift actually just reflects the move north from Texas to Minnesota, Jazzer: see the Santa in the coffin-making picture! Their summer faces show the buzz of action and excitement, and the winter ones the solemnity of the funeral moment.
KE
Dear Charles
Many thanks for this. You raise a most valid point. There are thousands and thousands of pieces of research on bereavement and none focusing on the impact of participatory funeral or impact of a funeral in any aspect. Research is changing slightly in that we are seeing an increasing number of pieces of research, which focus on the impact of the practicalities of death rather than just the psychological though personally they can’t be separated. So this is a start.
Research could be applied laterally in that someone is likely to have a better ‘bereavement outcome’ if they have a greater or stronger social network and organising a funeral yourself tends to be by those with that network as you can’t be present to organise your funeral as dead. Though it would also be interesting to see research on impact on families of those who have organised their funeral ahead before they died, but equally that then excludes families doing it themselves and so may have a reverse effect.
The closest to research there is anecdotal evidence. The Natural Death Centre charity pioneered and runs the Association of Natural Burial Grounds and part of the membership involves burial grounds giving family’s a feedback form to complete and people send them to us. I am the Natural Death Centre postman at present and we average about ten a week. They are a delight to read and there is definitely a strong correlation between levels of involvement in the funeral to satisfaction with the process. Though whether this could be generalised to a bereavement outcome is difficult to say. The positive outcomes range from people having done the funeral completely themselves often with guidance from the Natural Death Centre or alongside a flexible Funeral Director.
To further this practise the Natural Death Centre is exhibiting at the National Funeral Exhibition this week and we are to questionnaire FDs of their service, level of flexibility and level of family involvement allowed – this will form a basis for writing parts the fifth edition of the Natural Death Handbook, which is in progress at present.
We look forward to seeing you at the Funeral Exhibition. The Natural Death Centre is on stand Y24, Hall One – near the body reconstruction stand – won’t that be fun !!!
Best wishes
Susan
Trustee, The Natural Death Centre charity.
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