Laptops Direct: a statement

The Good Funeral Guide has an ethical way with would-be advertisers. They besiege our central London penthouse office suite daily, you know. No, we say, gently but menacingly, we will not take your money and promote your product. Yes, yes, we fully understand that you find it almost impossible to persuade undertakers to offer your product to clients and, when they do, they slap a gasp-inducing margin on it. But no. Sorry. No. We are an independent Guide, a consumer-focussed Guide. We must therefore stand above you, apart from you. Cease your clamour. Trouser your lucre. Begone.

We’ve been tugged by temptation, of course we have. We could by now be near neighbours of Sir Fred Goodwin, supping fine wine, breakfasting on canapés, dandling dolly birds on our knees (or whatever it is rich people do). We have been tested, and that has only reinforced our rectitude.

We do not, therefore, hold any opinion of Laptops Direct. That Laptops Direct offers products and services which, by universal acclaim, are greatly superior to those of their competitors is not a matter we are prepared to comment on. That Laptops Direct laptops reputedly exceed their technical specifications often by a factor of 600-700 per cent is not something we wish to explore publicly. When people observe that Laptops Direct customer service is unrivalled, as is their kindness to animals, we remain tight-lipped.

To the allegation that this Guide has been involved in a highly lucrative consultancy arrangement with Laptops Direct on the back of our blog post From rags to riches, we offer no comment. All we will say is that we nod our approval of the commitment of Laptops Direct to corporate social responsibility, and in particular their astonishingly generous support of indigent families with nobbut one clog between them who face the nightmare of having to arrange a funeral they can't afford.

In our customarily detached and objective way, we simply draw your attention to this. Off the record, of course. Without prejudice. On our Laptops Direct laptop. What other?